| ahhh spring! |
[25 May 2009|08:15pm] |
i am still alive, and although i've been a touch lonely out here in p-town, i've made the best of it and have been enjoying myself.
the beautiful weather has completely rejuvenated me. i am one hundred and ten percent ready for summer, armed with my sundress and flippy-floppies, ready to take on the world. or, the greater portland area, i suppose.
portland is SO BEAUTIFUL this time of year i can't even express it.
school is out, i feel i did well this term. not as good as i could have, but well nonetheless. my science instructor, who granted me with a B- for the course, still encouraged me to send her a digital copy of my final paper, so she could use it as "an exemplar for clear, expository prose." which is wonderful to hear, considering i wrote the thing in 36 hours, half-drunk, on a subject that made my brain ache (transcranial magnetic stimulation).
also i made THIS. it's kind of designed for larger monitors, and i suppose still in "beta". open it in a browser instead of downloading it. or download it, and open it in a browser. or whatever.
i'm appalled at how gratifying i am beginning to find coding. even in something as temperamental as actionscript.
i gave my number to an MFA student i have a desperate crush on. we'll see how that goes.
i feel that the rest of the goings on in my life are best represented in pictures:
( clickit good )
i managed to get a little color at the park today. more will be absorbed tomorrow, at rooster rock. gabe and i, who have both gotten unpleasantly squishy in the cold months have begun to work out daily. i'm hoping to look bangin by my birthday.
later this week brings an impromptu camping trip. prepare for more pictures!
and i love you guys. come visit me sometime, i miss ya!
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[08 Feb 2009|07:36pm] |
UPDATE!
hmmmmm let's see. classes are fun. i think i'm going to really enjoy myself this term. i don't have a lot of classes that will allow me to do the heavily concept-based stuff i've so enjoyed creating lately, but i'm not too worried about it. i'm mostly hoping that with being close to school and all it's facilities, i'll be able to do that sort of thing for myself, outside of class.
last night brought dancing and bar hopping with sir padraig. we started out at ground kontrol, which was fun because the beer was cheap and the music was good... but it's sooo easy to spend a stupid amount of money there way to quick. i want to start making a habit of going there on their free-play nights. you should too.
after gk we decided to find somewhere to shake our tailfeathers... after a quick survey of the chinatown streets we decided to give the tube a shot. it was packed, but the music was good... they were playing all this really great classic motown shit, awesome for dancing... except after about twenty minutes of watching a bunch of drunk white hipsters dancing to very black music (none of whom were sharing their drugs with us) we became painfully self-aware and also just aware of douchebaggery in general and decided we needed to leave. we ended up at this moodily lit little club across the street called pala, which was essentially a meat market but the music was good enough and we were drunk enough to not care. i danced with a couple of hot drunk girls, and was rewarded a gin and tonic by a guy that was "allergic to juniper berries" and apparently couldn't drink it. fortunately it was free of ghb and was just the thing to keep me warm on our trek to the roxy where we waited like a FRIGGIN HOUR to get some damn cheese fries. they were sooo worth it though. mmmm cheese fries. (brief tangent: this sort of thing is becoming a problem though. my fondness for things such as cheese fries and bacon has started to take it's toll on me. long story short: i'm getting fat. and it sucks.) after we finished our plate of delicious calories we marched back in the bitter, bitter cold to my apartment. by then it was four am. i passed out almost instantly.
so that was my saturday night. pretty friggin satisfying overall. tomorrow i go with my science class to ohsu to possibly watch people do strange things with mice. exciting!
( OH HAY HERE IS A SMALL AMOUNT OF PICTURES FROM A LONG TIME AGO/NOT THAT LONG AGO. )
oh and did i mention that i went to karaoke with tom on thursday and i sang baby one more time and he sang NATURAL WOMAN by aretha franklin??? it was epic.
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[21 Jan 2009|08:51pm] |
so i find out the first guy i try and date after becoming newly single has ended up in jail! SUCCESS!!
are you guys pulling some dane cook tomfoolery on me????
has the fact that i am referencing plot devices from terrible movies that i haven't even seen and very few of you probably even know exist evidence that i have been working at blockbuster for TOO LONG???
speaking of blockbuster, i can has new job plz? the hunt is not going so well. the likelihood of me having to get naked to pay the bills is slowly becoming more and more... likely.
so the weight of being single, lonesome, and in a strange land is finally weighing on me. but i'm not too down on it. i see most of this as a challenge to be enjoyed and laughed at later.
tonight i go and see JCVD with my freshly twenty one year old roommate. i was honored to be invited to attend birthday festivities with her. i wish i could talk about her without sounding fangirlish. i'm just so excited she isn't a DOUCHEBAG! and that she's cleanly! and polite! but not straight-edge or stuck up! GUYZ SHE RULEZZZZZZZ.
i want to be a man and get shitty drunk with her tonight for her twenty-first but i ate way too much pizza yesterday and as a result i have pooped four times today. :( also i have class at eight am so yeah...
i had my first class of the semester today. it feels good to be in a design course again. especially since this one is centered almost entirely on PSYCHOLOGY. soon i will be manipulating your ids with my super awesome design powers!!
ok so JCVD is in T minus TWENTY MINUTES. time to go!!
ps. I LOVE CAPS SQUID BRAINS!!!!
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| where the fo'ties at?? |
[11 Jan 2009|09:11pm] |
i have yet to find a nearby corner store that carries my beloved colt 45. tis a sad development. i haven't really done a lot of exploring, though, so i haven't quite lost hope.
my room is pretty much organized to the point to where i am going to keep it permanently. the projector is set up in the living room (which is badass), and i've got my tv in my bedroom. all my books, dvds, and games are on display. all there is to do now is organize my desk and perhaps put up my long neglected posters.
i wish i had a better view. i am looking over a power station, which is pretty cool. but other than that it's just kind of industrial and boring. i want more city lights! i'm living in the city now, give me some fuckin city lights!
my roommate's 21st birthday is coming up. i wish i could go out with her for it but i work all damn weekend. >:( i can't wait till i can leave that job but i am not looking forward to the process of trying to find and starting a new job. fuck that noise! i'm soooo worried i wont be able to find anything. i know i can always fall back on my parents if i am completely fucked but... i don't want to have to do that. no one does.
so creepy tweaker-ish guy hit on me in the elevator today. and he saw me go into my apartment so now he knows where i live. boooooooo.
i wish i had money. i've been really itchin' to go out lately. i get paid on friday but then, like i said, i work all weekend and i'm sure by the time the next weekend rolls around i'll be broke AGAIN. waaaaahhhhh. i shouldn't have spent so much damn money at ikea. but it's so easy! so many things i didn't know i needed....
ramble ramble ramble. gnite.
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[07 Jan 2009|11:39pm] |
i did it!!
i'm all moved in to my new apartment. my roommate is super cool, her name is trillian and although she's slowly luring luna into her possession i think we'll get along famously.
for the first time in a long time, even though i am sharing an apartment with someone i barely know, i have that wonderful feeling of sanctuary in my bedroom. right now, sitting at my desk looking out a window on the city of portland, surrounded by all my worldly possessions... i feel at home. lonely... but at home.
i worry about luke more than i can say. is it egotistical of me to worry? in the sense that i am so convinced that my existence has such a profound effect on him that he may not be ok without me?
he'll be ok though. he's a very stable man, i've never met anyone with their head on straighter. i feel like a shit for taking luna, i know how attached to her he was. but he all but insisted i take her... and she has been my baby since i was thirteen, after all. we're going to go kitten hunting on sunday. hopefully we will find him a furry companion to keep him company. i know i'd be going crazy right now without my familiar, so i want to get him one as soon as i can.
i've stopped and asked myself on many occasions: "what the FUCK are you doing?!?? you were just getting your shit together! things were working out! are you INSANE???" but i know that this is the right thing for me to do. no matter how i slice it, i wasn't happy with luke. as wonderful and kind and caring and compassionate as he is... it just wasn't working. so... i had to go. i realized the only reason i was with him anymore was out of obligation and convenience. and the comfort of familiarity. and fear of judgment. and after taking a long hard look at the situation... well, you can guess how that ended. or maybe it's simpler than that. maybe i just didn't have enough scoundrels in my life.
so here i am... free and almost nearly independent, shaking and crying and naked like a newborn, staring life in the face. i am absolutely fucking terrified. but in the best way.
so friends, i ask two things of you as i enter this new chapter of my life:
1) keep an eye on luke for me. i love him with all my heart and i know if anything is going to help either of us it's going to be the wonderful friends we've gathered.
2) please stay in touch and make the trip every once and a while to come visit me. i know portland is a bit of a trek but it would mean everything in the world to me to see you guys when i can. i'm right off i-5! i don't have a terrible amount of friends out here, and i certainly don't have any as wonderful as you guys. with the exception of the few of you that actually live in portland as well. ^_^
well, i'm off to rest my weary head. love you all, and goodnight.
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[11 Dec 2008|10:01pm] |
oh hay guyz, what's up???
it's been a while.
school has been absolutely draining me dry, so don't think it's because i don't like you or anything. i've got one week of this term left and i can't fucking wait.
ok so... hmmm....
i've been meaning to do this for weeks and i keep putting it off... so much that at this point there may be no reason to do it at all... but- oh well. here goes nothing.
for those of you who haven't already heard it from me or through the grapevine:
i'm moving out on my own as of early next month. i'll be living in portland, in student housing, until i can start making enough money to afford my own ramshackle studio apartment.
i'd be lying if i said this has nothing to do with my relationship with luke. it has a lot to do with it... but not everything. long story short- it's not where i want to be, at least not right now. i love luke to death, but i need to be my own woman.
i've been taking a long hard look at my adult life and realize that i've spent none of it as an actual adult. i've been dependent on luke almost the entire time. i know he'd be willing to support me for the rest of my life... but as a woman, and an artist, and a feminist i just can't allow that. i need to be independent. i need to feel what it's actually like to be twenty-two. i need to go out, be crazy, and make mistakes while i'm still young and hot.
so i guess that means no wedding like i'd planned. jesus. i just looked it up and it's only been six months since we decided to get married. i guess it's better to deal with this now than at the altar. i'm certain none of you would want to be the one stuck with trying to drag my ass back from crawling out the dressing room window.
luke's doing ok. from what i can tell he's kind of in the same place i am, and looking forward to having a bachelor pad all to himself.
so i know this is a totally fucked thing of me to do. and if any of you are pissed, i understand. but also realize that i've already beat the shit out of myself over this, so if you could go easy on me, i'd appreciate it.
i expected this entry to be a lot longer than it actually is. i guess there's not as much to say as i thought.
questions?
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[24 Sep 2008|10:27pm] |
quick update:
i have a crush on every boy
i have developed a fondness for printmaking
i can weld with an oxy-acetylene torch (kind of)
i am a hedonist, and i love it
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[11 Sep 2008|09:16pm] |
whooooaaaaaa....
life has been quite mad.
most of it i can blame on tba. the festival, like it always is, has been a marathon. an exhausting endeavor, but a wonderful one at that. i've seen some exceptional work this year, i am such a dirty little reggie watts fangirl it's a little embarrassing. i actually made a conscious effort not to take his workshop for that very reason-- i was too worried i would make a drooling, sparkly-eyed fool of myself in his presence. tiago guedes was a pleasant surprise to see, his performance made my heart swell, it was so delightful to watch. the works this year has been wonderful, the space is BITCHIN. unfortunately, from what i've heard, though, they're going to just gut it and turn it into retail space after the festival. le sigh.
all my classes this year seem tantalizing and challenging... the only one i am concerned about is my race in america lecture... as of the second day of class we'd already experienced some pretty heavy-duty tension that sort of made me want to rip my hair out and left me an emotional wreck for the rest of the day. i need to work on getting less emotionally invested in class discussions, and just space out and bullshit like i used to.
i am SUPER excited for my welding class, even though today was our first day using the torch, and the hot weather made it pretty fucking miserable. acetylene welding is sweaty. and tedious. BUT i get to play with fire and wear awesome goggles. so that's cool.
so all in all school has been immensely draining for the first two weeks, but i am just going to convince myself that a large part of that is due to all the time i've spent running from this tba event to that, so as soon as it's over, i should have a few weeks to breathe until mid-terms kick in.
AHAHAHAHA AND WE'RE ALL SO INTERESTED. did you know that it's september eleventh? PATRIOT DAY!!!!!
homo homini lupus
this used to make me sad and frightened.
now it just makes me hungry.
good. night.
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[27 Aug 2008|05:02pm] |
so i somehow managed to make it back from vegas alive. not sure how really, since i was doing some of the most insane, irresponsible things of my life EVERY NIGHT. i am sick as a dog with the cold from hell, though. i guess that's what you get for binge drinking and getting less than five hours of sleep for five nights in a row.
honestly though, i could be missing limbs at this point and it'd still be worth it. i had the absolute time of my life.
i have so many stories but i'm sure if i post them here you'll just skip over them.... so you'll just have to wait until i can corner your ass in person. :)
but, in case you're interested, here's modest recap.
( GOOO!! )
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[29 Jul 2008|10:19pm] |
HAY!!!
luke got soul caliber four and ivy's breasts are OUTRAGEOUS. they are the most ridiculous video game tits i have ever seen, and that's including DoA.
ummmm SO my dad went to the beach and he brought me back SIX POUNDS OF FRESH TUNA OMG. it is delicious. i ate some and i hope i don't get food poisoning. i guess we'll see.
VEGAS IS LESS THAN THREE WEEKS AWAY HOLY SHIT.
hey, hey, also: you should rent DOOMSDAY. it will change your life. it has everything! explosions, car chases, decapitations, naked chicks with shotguns, hot chicks swordfighting, crazy punk rock postapocalyptic savages, tanks, flamethrowers, cannibals, more decapitations, a ridiculous tricked out FUTUREBENTLEY, more blood and guts than you can shake a stick at, AND MALCOM MCDOWELL(sp?). srsly, see it.
also, my camera arrived. consequently, i have d&d pictures as well:
aaand they're huge and i don't feel like resizing so i hope none of you are on dial up. :)
( CLICK IT HARRRRRRRD )
my camera ALSO takes HD video. because i really need inane videos of my cat in HD. this is important.
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[22 Jul 2008|10:03am] |
whoooooaaaa did i have a crazy dream this morning!
( tis long )
i bought a new camera last night, it was an impulse buy, but it was only eighty bucks and it's twelve mp. it's a refurb kodak easyshare, which, i know, is a total granny camera but i need a new point-and-shoot for party pics and what not so i figured, what the hell. my dad has an easyshare and i like it, and i'm sorry but those printer docks are badass. i don't care if they're for soccer moms, they are HELLA HANDY.
i'm also excited to get it because i didn't want to have to beg luke to let him take his camera to vegas with me. speaking of vegas, i leave in TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS OMG. would it be ridiculous of me to build a paper chain?? XD
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[29 Jun 2008|12:58pm] |
happy burfday to meeeeee.
my birthday this year was wonderful, i have such awesome friends and family, thank you so much for making it memorable!
rooster rock was pretty rad, i highly suggest you throw your body issues out the window and go, because it's really nice.
i got so much cool stuff for my birthday! luke got me this really amazing stanley donwood/dr tchock art book. i teared up when he gave it to me, he is such a thoughtful boy. everyone is so thoughtful! tom even got me a cake with candles and everything. ^_^ i forgot how much fun it was to have everyone sing to you and blow out candles.
last night got pretty out of control but only in the best way possible. i will always be impressed by how ridiculous casey is, and i admire stephen and lindsey for being such good sports. :)
ummm anyways, i have the hangover from hell, i feel like i was bitten by a fucking black mamba or something, my whole body hurts. :( so i am off to sleep and watch star wars all day, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone for giving me such an awesome birthday!!
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[21 Jun 2008|10:35am] |
shit!
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| i can't believe it either |
[17 Jun 2008|03:25pm] |
so.... luke and i are more or less OFFICIALLY engaged! i couldn't get him to catch the hints i was dropping enough to full on propose to me... so i just finally broke down and had the talk with him. the little girl in me wanted him to get down on one knee and surprise me with a ring, but, alas...
we have decided on a general date, which is summer 2010. the ceremony will be at my dad's house, in the backyard. :) my dad has a harral family reunion planned about then and i figured that would be a perfect opportunity to to do it.
i want this to be huge but still casual. lots of people and lots of booze.
who wants to get ordained and marry us???
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[06 Jun 2008|11:09am] |
hullo, it's time for a real entry!
i looooove summer vacation. now can we just bring on the blisteringly hot weather, plz?
my days have been filled mostly with gta and work, my evenings cooking and drinking. calvin's birthday was amazing, i love seeing him hammered, it's hilarious- although he does get rather handy...
i got my grades yesterday, and i am slighty disappointed with how i did this term. although i know i fucked around a lot so, i can't say i'm surprised. i did, however, end up with a C in a class that i thought i had completely under control, which sucks. i am not looking forward to telling this to my mom. i guess i'll have to just butter her up by telling her about the department merit award i got from the liberal arts department. i'm not exactly sure what it means to win it, but they sent me one hell of an ass-kissing letter, which is good enough for me.
i've also been working out and making more responsible choices about the food i eat, and it's paying off. i've already lost an inch and a half off my target area, and it's soooo rewarding.
i had a wonderful cup of tea at shari's with amanda and paula last night. it was AWESOME. we just chattered and gossiped and giggled like maniacs for what seemed like hours. it was SO GOOD. i love girl talk. it was nice to get a few things off my chest, and to get an update on where two of my best friends are at in life.
and i absolutely CAN'T WAIT for vegas.
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[05 Jun 2008|12:36pm] |
CAN O' WORMS WOO.
sooo, i came across this website in some forums and it sparked some thought for me. the website is for a porn star named "tiny tabby." before we get started, YES, she is 18. but she sure as hell doesn't look like it. and it seems very obvious that that is the website promoters intent. subtle suggestions like "this is the teen site you've been looking for" and "don't worry, your little secret is safe with me!" make it even creepier.
if you dare to see the site, you can find it at tinytabby.com. but i warn you, IT IS 110% NSFW (obvy) and fairly disturbing in it's nature.
i bring it up because i am very much an anti-censorship, pro-porn kind of gal, but shit like this starts to make me question my stance. even though, yes, the model is 18, it's obvious to anyone with half a brain that her image is intended to fulfill fantasies for those who would imagine her to be much younger. so, is this crossing the line?
DISCUSS.
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[12 May 2008|06:22pm] |
finals like whoa.
i am officially EXHAUSTED. but, i have two of my major projects completely done, and the last one is looking quite daunting but i should have plenty of time to work on it so i think i'm gonna be ok... hopefully. worst case scenario, it isn't quite as spastic as i hoped. the only reason i am updating now is because i am running a test render, and i really can't work on it and i have nothing else to do.
my baby synesthesia was greeted with much praise, and i am excited to take it further over the summer. i want to install it inside of an old television and add some old school toggle switches and more speakers more music more colored lights etc etc etc.
my simulacra/simulation project went well also, and victor even mentioned he wanted a copy to show kids next term for the assignment. i am going to miss victor, he is probably the more enthusiastic about my work than anyone i've ever shown it to. but i am hoping to have other classes with him later on, and if i am lucky, get him to be my thesis mentor when i am a senior. i'm sure he'll have tons of kids hounding him about it, but i am hopeful.
i caaaaaan't WAIT for summer break. i am going to get so unbelievably drunk this weekend it's not even funny.
wow, it's so weird. i don't even know what to do when i can't do homework. O_O
ummm....
oh!
we went and saw kids in the hall last night! it was AMAZING. i love those guys, they're so hilarious. the show was hysterical... they brought back a bunch of their old characters, including chicken lady, cathy and kathy, even the head crushing guy. ^_^ i want to marry bruce mcculloch, he is delightfully adorable.
my render is done. and there's no audio. >:(
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[26 Apr 2008|06:52am] |
buhhhhhhh.....
the difference in the quality of my sleep when i don't take medication is appalling.
i went to the doctor the other day for my sleep and he gave me trazedone. so far it works wonderfully, but i didn't take any last night because i was drinking, so here i am, up at six thirty. >_<
the first night i took it it was amazing. it was so strange to wake up feeling fully rested, and to not be exhausted the entire day. but not a bad strange, of course. i really don't want to become dependent on it, but i have a need, and it satisfies that need, so i guess i don't really have a choice.
the doc also put me on zoloft for good measure, which is probably for the best. the way he diagnosed me was with this electronic box the nurse gave me. it was essentially a big version of one of those twenty questions toys. and it decided i was depressed. a rather strange way of coming to this conclusion, but i was already aware that i was depressed so i'm not going to argue. i'm going to try the zoloft, and if it makes me feel like a zombie i'll try something else.
anyone here ever tried zoloft? i've heard horror stories of it turning people into sexless robots. but considering how my depression and insomnia has already been affecting my sex life, i can't imagine it getting any worse. WOO FOR TMI.
oh and SPEAKING of robots, i am further on my way to completing my baby synesthesia. i already have one eye built and i got a little toy at goodwill that i successfully circuit bent with a photocell for the other eye, so that's exciting. all the sounds are really irritating, but they function the way i want them to and that's all that matters. electronics are SO FUN! i've given myself a few zaps here and there, but i'm not working with anything stronger that three or four volts so it's not bad. just kinda tingly. ^_^
also! drinking candy land is delightful but will fuck your shit up.
and! mariokart will never cease to be fun.
le yaaaawwwn.... i'm gonna try sleeping again.
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| hell(z) yeah |
[21 Apr 2008|10:44pm] |
i got my new glasses in the mail today. they are HILARIOUS. they're huge and round with thick tortoise shell frames. i look exceptionally nerdy, and i think i like it.
fyi zenni optical rules if you're willing to take some risks to save a ton of money.
ALSO i got a hold of the guy that has all the cartoon footage i could ever ask for, and he's going to upload it to his server and send me a link! so i can cross that off my list of things i need for my animation project.
AND speaking of projects i got the tape i commandeered from phia and kyle recorded onto my hard drive and gears are turning there.
AND i started assembling the electronic bells and whistles for my baby head so it's looking less and less daunting. i really think this electronics thing could be something i could get the hang of. it's really be a hobby i would love to have. except i can't find a twelve volt battery FOR THE LIFE OF ME. wtf?
i <3 <3 <3 technology even (especially?) if it brings the apocalypse.
speaking of apocalypse, thc + huge tv + cloverfield = AWESOME.
ps. i really hope the world ends while i'm around. sorry guys, but that's something i'd really love to see. i probably won't become a mad scientist bent on destroying the world. probably.
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